A Unique Documentary

Showtime productions has aired (May / June 2004 with other showings in December) a gripping documentary called “The Opposite Sex: Rene’s Story.”  It documents the situation of Rene Pena who was physically born a female but in Rene’s mind Rene was really a man.  In the documentary Rene explores the medical options to “make my outside match my inside.”  I am interviewed in the documentary and appear in 3 separate instances as well as a few voiceovers.  The documentary is fairly accurate but they left out a few key issues that I’d like to add here.  The following is taken from the daily notes I made when the revelation of Rene’s gender was made known to me as well as the ensuing removal from the church I served in at that time.  I hope this fills in the missing data from the documentary for those who are interested in getting a more complete story.  I have the utmost compassion for people who are at odds with their physical sex/gender.  I just don’t think such an extreme makeover is the best solution.

Here is the overview of the documentary provided by the producer Josh Aronson:

As we meet our characters, Rene has just been outed in church by a disgruntled relative. Rene had been an assistant pastor, and Wona's relationships with church families had been her whole social life. Trusting his fate to the church elders, Rene admitted he was transgendered. According to Rene, the pastor called their marriage a sinful lesbian relationship and shunned them. But the pastor tells a different story, claiming Rene lied to the church and threatened a lawsuit. 

My Relationship with Rene

I knew Rene for over 4 years.  Rene and Wona (Rene’s wife) along with Wona’s mother came to our non-denominational community church looking for a church to call “home.”  Over time Rene became involved with the church, ultimately went through our Bible Institute, and was licensed to the ministry by our church.  On a personal note, Rene and Wona were like my own kids and Rene like a son.  I helped them buy their house, provided some financial assistance when needed (like a father would), and genuinely felt that Rene was someone close to me in a familial way.

 

The Reveling of a BIG Secret

The amazing revelation started on Saturday, October 27, 2001 at approximately 5:00pm.  Rene called me and wanted to come over to talk.  However, we had company and I asked if it could wait until Monday.  Rene was very upset and told me that Johnny (a close family friend – not a blood relative as some reviews state) and Mika (Johnny’s wife) had gone over to mutual friends house, and Johnny told them that Rene is really a woman.  I dismissed it and told Rene to “consider the source” (Johnny was a very irresponsible and immature man who had prior substance abuse issues) and said that I would help him deal with the “nonsense.”  Rene still wanted to talk and we make a date for Monday (10/29) at 2:00pm.  Rene had also spoken with my other associate pastor Jesse and his wife, and one other family and told them about the situation. 

On Monday afternoon, October 29, Rene came to my home office at 2:00 and stayed until approximately 4:00pm.  Rene again told me that Johnny told mutual friends that Rene was born a woman.  I asked if this was true.  Rene then told me, “I’m both male and female.”  I concluded momentarily, because of prior discussions with Rene regarding a “friend” who was born a hermaphrodite, that Rene was telling me that Rene was a hermaphrodite.  I asked, “What gender were you born with predominately?”  Rene said, “Female.”  I asked what male parts were there and Rene said, “None.”  I asked, “So you were born female?” and Rene said, “Yes.”  I asked,  “What did you tell the others when you met with them?”  Rene responded, “I told them I was born both male and female.”  We then spent the majority of the time discussing Rene’s situation, the breast removal surgery Rene had undergone, and that there was yet to do a hysterectomy and the creation of a penis.  I told Rene that we must tell the rest of the board the facts and allow them to understand the situation.  Rene was very concerned because Jesse had already told Rene that even if a woman had a sex change she is still a woman, and that if Rene was a woman she would be living in a homosexual relationship with Wona.  Rene was concerned that Jesse would hold to that position.  I reiterated to Rene that we must tell the board and bring them into this situation.  Rene agreed.  This was a very civil discussion and I was really stunned.  I tried to gather as much data from Rene as I could.

After Rene left my office I spent the next 2 days doing Internet research on transsexualism / transgenerism.  (I have continued that research since that time and still believe that such “gender reassignment” doesn’t really fulfill the quest for “wholeness” that transsexual people seek.)

 

Letting the Leadership Know

On Tuesday, October 30, I contacted my associate pastor, Jesse.  We met from 11:00am to 1:00pm.  I first asked Jesse to tell me what had happened with Rene and the details surrounding Johnny’s accusation.  Jesse was under the impression because of Rene’s presentation that Johnny was lying, and that Rene was born with both male and female genitals.  After listening to Jesse’s recounting, I told Jesse that Johnny was telling the truth – Rene was born a woman.  Jesse was stunned and said that he must find out the truth for himself from Rene.  I agreed that the Executive Board of the church must talk with Rene in a fact-finding way to determine the validity of Johnny’s accusation of Rene, an Elder and Associate Pastor of our Church.  I knew what Rene told me and that it was the same that Johnny had told Tony, but we needed to give Rene an opportunity to respond to the accusation.

Later on that night I called the Executive Board together.  I explained a summary of what had happened with Johnny’s accusation and my subsequent discussion with Rene.  Jesse shared his discussion with Rene.  It was determined that we would meet with Rene to either verify or disprove Johnny’s accusation.

 

Our Visit with Rene and Wona

On Wednesday, October 31, the Executive Board met at church at 7:00 for a quick meeting prior to going to Rene’s home.  We reiterated that our goal was to “fact-find” about the situation.  Because of the serious nature of it I wanted the other men to hear from Rene the truth of the situation.  At approx. 7:25 we met at Rene’s home and both Rene and Wona were present.  I started our discussion by asking Rene to please tell us about Johnny’s accusation and what was told to me.  Rene was loud and defensive and stated, “What do you want me to tell you, that I’m a woman?  Yes, I was born a woman but I am now a man…” Discussion developed around this topic and we attempted to discover more about Rene’s situation but Rene was belligerent and hostile.  There was an attempt to discuss various verses of scripture that discuss that gender is that physical body that we are born with and to point out verses that shows that God disallows such a change of birth gender.  We stated that genetically Rene is still a woman.  Rene called all of us bigots and was so loud, hostile, and angry that I actually felt physically threatened. 

I cannot stress enough how Rene gave us nothing to work with regarding the situation.  Rene wasn’t open, wasn’t co-operative and refused to even dialog about the seriousness of the deception that had been perpetrated.  At the end, Rene told us that they were never returning to our church.  I asked Rene what would they like us to tell the church?  Rene’s reply was, “I don’t care what you tell them, tell them what you want…” Discussion eventually came to a halt so we prayed and left.

After leaving Rene’s we met back at the church where we all cried and lamented over Rene, Wona and the situation.  We all agreed that we had no option but to remove Rene from being an elder and from the Executive Board, as well as revoking Rene’s license to ministry.  Discussion followed on how we should present this to the congregation. It was decided that we would bring the former elders of our church into the discussion so we could proceed as wisely as possible.

 

Sharing the News

Sunday, November 4 at 7:00 the Executive Board met with former elders.  After much discussion it was agreed that given Rene’s public position in the church and hostile reaction in our meeting we would tell the congregation all of the facts.  In particular that after discovery -- Rene was a woman living as a man.  Rene had yelled at us, cursed at us and stated, “I’m never coming back to the church…” So, because of this we were revoking Rene’s license to ministry and position as an Elder.

Finally on Sunday, November 11 at 12:30 we held a special church family meeting and I told them the facts regarding Rene, that Rene was a woman living as a man contrary to scripture.  I told the Church that the Executive Board had removed Rene from the board and revoked Rene’s license to ministry.  There was such a cry and lament from the people.  There was an honest hurt from such a deep deception as this.  People were not angry, the people were sad.  They felt for Rene and most of all for Wona, as she seemed to be an even bigger victim of Rene’s deception.  To this day I can still hear the corporate moan and wail in my ears from the congregation.  It was a sad day.

That Sunday afternoon Rene called me and told me that Rene was going to sue the church and me for slander.  Rene was very irate, repeated the threat several times, cursed at me and then hung up.  This threat I took very seriously.  I was not worried that such a suit would hold up in a court of law, because the truth can never be called slander, but I took it seriously because Rene had physically assaulted individuals and I was not sure that Rene would do.

During the next week as we all tried to process the events it occurred to me that Rene might try to “grandstand” the situation and come to church, in spite of the fact that Rene said they would “never be coming back again.”  Rene had already called a number of people and was attempting to discredit me and the other leaders of the church.  Sure enough, as if on cue, Rene, Wona, Marie, and the two children came to church dressed in their best, i.e. more formally than they would normally dress.  We had anticipated such a move and before they entered into the building we had to tell them that they were not allowed here anymore.  This was because of the threat of lawsuits, Rene’s violent behavior, and the absolute disrespect Rene had shown towards anyone who questioned Rene about Rene’s gender.  It would have been chaos to allow them to enter the facility.

At one point in the documentary Wona is seen very upset and saying, “We showed up at the church the following Sunday and the kicked us out.”  The fact is that Rene had already told us that they were not returning.  Rene had also been so hostile that we had no choice to terminate the relationship.  I believe when that scene was captured on tape Wona was still in a state of major denial.  As the documentary progresses Wona comes to grip with the fact that they are not a “normal” couple and not even legally married.  Later Wona is seen crying and exclaiming, “Why didn’t my mom protect me…?”  The documentary cuts to me where I say, “I believe with all my heart that Wona has been victimized…” Wona was the innocent victim of this tragic situation.

 

Liabilities: What Was At Stake

Whenever a church (or any business or governmental agency) has to take action against one of its leaders there is typically a lot of investigation, weighing of the risks, and the final determination to terminate the relationship or job.  This was no different in Rene’s case.  Rene had already put the church at major risk: 

• Rene had for several years been a boy’s counselor at church youth camp.  Had Rene been innocently spotted going to the bathroom or taking a shower there would have been MAJOR issues that we’d have to face.  I can’t imagine the camp leadership trying to explain to a child “why” Rene did not have a penis but rather had a vagina. 
• Rene had also been involved in a mission trip abroad.  Again had Rene’s true physical gender been found out the impact would have been enormous. 
• Lastly, Rene was in line to become the Senior Pastor of a sister church.  The devastation would have been even worse for all involved had Rene gone into this ministry with such a hidden issue.

 

Our Portrayal in Reviews of the Opposite Sex: Rene’s Story

I’ve read several reviews of “The Opposite Sex: Rene’s Story” from the perspective that Rene and Wona were “tossed out” of church.  I understand that the media isn’t very “church friendly.”  However I wish the documentary had used parts of my interview that dealt with the events surrounding Rene’s removal.  We were anything but hard and calloused.  One reviewer said that we were “mean spirited.”  Hardly so, it was Rene who was mean spirited as even as seen in the documentary.  Rene was so irrational and even delusional that no one could tell Rene anything differently than what Rene felt.

Another review suggests that, “They have been together for twelve years and most of that time lived uneventfully as man and wife. However Rene felt compelled to tell his preacher the truth and the Pastor and the Elders of his church "outed" the couple.”  Anyone who was close to them can tell you that they did not live as husband and wife “uneventfully.”  There was always unsettledness in their relationship.  I spent many hours in counseling with them.  I couldn’t put my finger on WHY things didn’t seem to get resolved.  Wona was frequently in a shroud of depression.  As seen in the documentary, Rene really didn’t care about Wona or anyone but Rene.  The gender issue dominated all.

When I finally found out about Rene, all the pieces of the puzzle came together.  Now I knew why Rene had difficulty holding down a job; why Wona wasn’t “allowed” by Rene to expand her life; why Rene had a “hyper-masculinity” and had a big problem should anyone question Rene; why Rene was jealous of Wona and fearful that someone might make a pass at Wona. 

 

Conclusion

I suggest to the reader that you see the documentary.  Learn about the extreme measures a person will subject himself or herself to just to “feel whole.”  Josh Aronson, the producer of the documentary, did an outstanding job capturing the emotions of it all.  During the interview Josh asked me, “What would you like to tell Rene?”  My reply then was, “Stand in front of a mirror naked, look at your body, this is who you are.”  Before the surgery Rene had a vulva, vagina, clitoris, and the scars where perfect breasts once were.  Now after the surgery I wonder if Rene accomplished what was wanted, to be a man.  The “penis” that was made isn’t like a normal penis.  It doesn’t even look like a man’s penis.  At best, as seen in the documentary, it looks like a little boy’s penis.  It will never function as a penis; it is a “released” clitoris that is overgrown due to the years of injecting testosterone.  Stop the testosterone injections and the body will revert back to what it really is – female.

I think it is an insult to our Creator to say as Dr. Raphael said in the documentary: “(Rene) he is a man with a VERY BAD birth defect.”  Gender dysphoria isn’t solved by surgery of the body.  It seems to me that such surgery only perpetuates the problems and issues of a person who thinks they are not what they are physically.  It is possible to love someone and tell them that what they want to do (or have done) isn’t the solution.

A common experience that transgendered people share is the dreaming, wishing, and praying as a child to become the opposite sex from which they were born.  Why is this?  Is it because of emotional or physical trauma suffered at an early age?  Is the opposite sex seen to be more important or valued?  Is it simply a child’s fantasy (like praying to “fly”) that gets out of hand by the obsessions of a child?  I don’t know.  But it seems to me that we’ve got to explore better alternatives in helping people accept who they really are rather than the mutilation of what they are.  If we don’t, the concept of “birth defects” is given an entirely different meaning.  In the documentary, as Rene is seen watching Dr. Raphael’s surgery Rene comments: “The first 5 minutes of the surgery when he began to tear-up the vaginal cavity I thought, Good God why would anybody let somebody do that to them?”

 

A Final Thought

100 years from now, if someone were to exhume the body of Rene, they’d find the hip/bone structure of a woman, and if any DNA survived, it would test out as female.  Given this reality, sexual and gender identity is seen physically at birth and remains the same even after a person has had plastic surgery, a “sex change,” or gender reassignment surgery.  One day Rene (along with all humanity) will be raised to stand before God and give an account of life.  With what gender will Rene be raised?  The one Rene was born with – female, not the one Rene “changed” into.

I ask the reader to judge my involvement in Rene’s life accurately.  It is not popular to state that one disagrees with another, especially on topics that deal with sexuality.  My love and care for Rene and Wona was demonstrated time and time again when they were in my life.  Once the truth about Rene came out Rene accused me of being a bigot because I differed with Rene.  My reply then and now is: “Am I now your enemy because I differ from you?”  Can we love someone and differ? – I believe so.

 

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